you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
