where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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