i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i think my cat just said my name.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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