Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
