the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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