Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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