i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
