Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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