Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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