Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
