can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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