I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
