I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
