I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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