I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
