He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
