she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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