You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
