I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize