Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thank you for not boning my boss.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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