I want to make a zoo with you.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
