Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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