I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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