i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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