dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Holy sore nipples Batman
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
