I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
