got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
