I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
