i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
