You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize