My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
