Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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