hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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