im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
