either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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