Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
