The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
