he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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