I wish I could teleport
I think I died a long time ago.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
