dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
