If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
