but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
