So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
