I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
