life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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