We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
