she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
