Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
