drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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