my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
