I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
