I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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