you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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