So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
