my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
