Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
