Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
