Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
