I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
