I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
