we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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