so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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