hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am one with the molecules
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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