Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
