I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
