I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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