hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
