I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
