Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
