i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
